I have been a very good boy this past season. I liked my coach, but he got fired. I didn’t like my Friar Tuck haircut, but I rolled with the flow. I bided my time behind the other QB’s. I’m a team player. It’s all about the team. Since I’ve been a good boy, can you bring me the following and place it under my Denver Christmas tree:
1. Urban Meyer as head coach
2. a Defense that isn’t full of holes, like swiss cheese
3. A running attack that isn’t near the bottom of the league
4. A girlfriend (no….NOT gold-digger, Jenn Sterger !)
5. An autographed picture of Mike Shanahan
6. More endorsement deals (think along the lines of “Got Milk”, not underwear)
7. Shelter the homeless,feed the hungry and care for the sick & weak
8. A lifetime membership on Match.com
9. An introduction to Rex Ryan’s wife
10. A Denver Bronco cheerleader under my tree
I can’t wait till Christmas morning. I’ll leave some cookies, milk and carrots for your reindeer and you. Tell Rudolf I said hello.
Bear Bryant speaks from heaven and proclaims Tim Tebow the greatest football player of all time. Coach Bryant adds that Woody Hayes and he always turn on the ESPNH to watch Tebow perform his onfield miracles.
BEAR BRYANT SPEAKS FROM HEAVEN ABOUT TIM TEBOW
Could it be. Could the sounds we hear from the skies be legendary Alabama football coach Bear Bryant noticing the best football player he’s ever seen ?
Turns out, if the Bear was earthbound, he certainly would compare Tebow to Joe Namath, Kenny Stabler, Kerwin Bell and Bob Hewko.
If Bear Bryant were still with us, he’d be hard-pressed to name anyone better.
Bear, who was interviewed by Howard Cosell in heaven, said that Bear told him that Gator Tim Tebow is the greatest football player he’s ever seen. Bear said Tebow’s better than Bo Jackson, Wally Smojver, Jimbo Donigan, Mark Ingram and Hank Harris, combined.
Coach Bryant said he enjoys opening a Pabst Blue Ribbon with his coaches in the Touchdown Jesus lounge and watching a Saturday afternoon of gridiron with his circle of coaching friends who have elevated to heaven. Ocassionally, God stops in on his way to Dallas to watch the Cowboys through the opening in the Cowboys stadium roof.
He stated he enjoyed watching Tebow’s last college game in the Sugar Bowl beating the University of Cincinnatti .
Bear will give updates on his website on the NFL playoffs as they develop.
Tim Tebow Displays His Second Heisman Trophy Award to Photographers
TIM TEBOW DOES IT AGAIN – Wins Second Heisman Award
Here it is….direct from the Downtown Athletic Club…Tim Tebow Wins his 2nd Heisman Award., setting a new precedent in NCAA record books. Tebow already had won a Heisman two years ago, and was not favored to win this year, his senior season because of a loss against Alabama at the SEC Championship game. Heisman ballots were tabulated by accounting firm Ernst & Young…and Tebow led all other candidates….to win his second Heisman Trophy as the best football player in the nation. He led single-handedly the Gators to a 12-0 regular season record…and the Gators probably put too much pressure on him for the SEC Championship game by depending on Tebow for 92% of the plays. Many thought that Tebow would not win this year, but when you look at his leadership, drive, committment and statistics, it is easy to understand how Tebow garnered more vote that Toby Gerhart (Stanford), Colt McCoy (Texas), Mark Ingram (Alabama) or Ndamukong Hsu (Nebraska).
The United States loves Tim Tebow. The world loves Tim Tebow. College football fans love Tim Tebow. Tebow was the face of college football for the past 4 years. He is an incredible talent, who certainly deserves this award for a encore.
Congratulation to Tim Tebow, 2007 and 2009 Heisman Winner !
Tim Tebow displays Shock Absorber brain on his way to brain transplant surgery, performed by reknowned surgeon Dr. Walter Smojohowicz
Another medical advancement is being made today.
University of Florida Gators QB Tiom Tebow’s has received brain replacement surgery, known as “Shock Absorber” cranial inversion surgery. Details are coming out from Shands Medical Center, and it seems to be a radical technology advancement between Schutt (manufacturer of football helmets), Nike and General Motors.
Noted brain surgeon Walter Smojohowicz stated that this proceedure should allow Tebow play in the LSU game, but would need to receive fresh hydraulic fluid after the game.
This new technology allows Tebow brain to sit in a blanket of fluid, that will act like a cushion inside his skull, that his brain will be cradled in. According to medical experts, this will allow Tebow to play concussion free for the rest of the Gators football season.
Las Vegas oddsmakers have taken to the news well…the Gators are favored to win the game in Baton Rouge.
Seen below is an X-Ray of Tebow’s bruised brain prior to surgery
X-Ray of Tim Tebow's brain after his concussion. Seen in this image is his compacted supercomputer, superhuman, processing data center.
Stay tuned to breaking news on the risky procedure.
After getting beaten and humiliated by the Florida Gators, Urban Meyer, Tim Tebow and the water boys…Tennessee Head Football Coach Lane Kifin was forced to dress like his smoking hot wife Layla and join Urban Meyer for his festive victory dance at “The Swamp” ballroom and saloon on University Ave.
Kiffin was further humiliated after this dance, by being forced to dance like a can-can girl by local police officers and homeless people curbside.
University of Florida Gators handsome Uber QB Tim Tebow is caught dancing the night away with beautiful ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews. This top secret and previously unseen video was recorded with security camera’s at the famous “Late Night” nightclub, in Gainesville, FL.
This video confirms rumors that the two were secretly dating.
DEVELOPING …..
Troy (Zac Efron) To Be Sacrificed During Gators Halftime Show
Zac Efron, the likeable Disney actor who is “Troy” in the Disney movie “High School Musical” will be the human sacrifice this Saturday at halftime of the University of Florida Gators vs the Troy University Trojans football game, in Gainesville, FL.
Heisman QB Tim Tebow will spear Troy during refreshing Disney halftime show
Performing the sacrifice will be the entire Gator football team, led by Heisman Quarterback Tim Tebow. Tebow, seen here, will be wearing his warrior Trojan outfit to spear Efron during the unique halftime entertainment show.
Last week, Baptist University Charleston Southern was fed to the alligators…and this week….a human sacrifice of “Troy.”
Seen above is Trojan Horse that Efron and cast of High School Musical will be brought onto Florida Field for halftime show and Troy sacrifice.
Seen in the article is the Trojan Horse vessel that Efron will be brought into Florida Field to midfield, where he and the cast of High School musical will perform a song and dance routine, before the sacrifice.
Troy University head football coach Larry Blakeney stated that his football team will also be sacrificed this weekend in Gainesville by the defending BCS National Champion Florida Gators football team.
Blakeney said that many of his players will be injured and maimed. Those players who cannot walk off the field, will be euthanized on the sidelines.
Here’s to “Troy”…may he/they live long in the memories of Florida Gator fans.
Claims It Will Increase Ratings, Viewing Audience and Greedy Advertisers.
Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter
Tim Tebow is confident and ready to skewer and BBQ the Charleston Southern Football team this weekend in Gainesville, for the opening game of the 2009 football season.
Tenacious Tim, seen above after sharpening his spear, is ready to impale the sacrificial Charleston Southern football squad. Charleston Southern, not known for the football prowess has thrown their helpless football team “lambs” to the “lions” by their athletic director, Hank Small.
The Charleston Southern Buccaneers, a tiny Baptist college of only 3,000 peaceful students will face the defending 2008 BCS National Champion University of Florida Gators. It can be compared to the Christians (Baptists in this case) being thrown to the lions, of biblical lore.
Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members
If there ever was a mismatch this NCAA season…..this is the game!
Gator alumni are somewhat embarrassed that this game is even happening. Already the Associated Press has given the spread on this game to over 70 points. Football fans feel sorry for the players on the Buccaneer football team. Alachua County has extra ambulances and paramedics ready to cart off injured Southern Carolina players.
Shands Hospital in Gainesville has called in extra medical personnel to the emergency room and orthopedic departments.
Red Cross has medivac helicopters on stand-by.
The Florida Gators will chomp the Buccaneers and make them walk the plank… and send them back home with bad memories and trauma. Pychologists are prepared to provide the Buccaneer squad with counseling and me3otional support groups when they return to Charleston.
In case Charleston Southern gets too many players injured to field a squad, or in case they quit and walk off the field….Ft. Lauderdale St Thomas Aquinas High School, one the the top high school football teams tin the nation, will replace the Charleston Southern football team, to finish the game.
Will David slay Goliath this Saturday? Absolutely not.
3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals
Tebow and the Gators victorious….and Gator fans….happy yet embarrassed by the degree of this monumental mismatch.
"Britain's Got Talent" contestant Susan Boyle Twitters that "she's madly in love with Tim Tebow. Watch "Britain's Got Talent" superstar Susan Boyle sing "Cry Me a River"
Oprah Winfrey has joined the 21st century….by become a Twitter user.
Oprah can communicate to her fans by sending short 140-character “tweets’ announcing what she’s up to.
Oprah sent a message stating her warm congratulations to Britain’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle , who just eloped with college sensation quarterback Tim Tebow, yesterday.
Oprah requested that Susan be a guest on her show… and Susan replied, “Only if Timbo can join me.”
Oprah was able to grant the request and will show the world what love is shared between these two dovebirds, when they appear on her popular TV show.
