BREAKING TIM TEBOW NEWS! Tebow Receives “Shock Absorber” Brain in New Sports Medicine Proceedure. Revolutionizes Concussion Comebacks !

October 10, 2009 by GatorNation

BREAKING TIM TEBOW NEWS !

Tim Tebow displays baboon brain to medical interns at UF Shands Hospital

Tim Tebow displays Shock Absorber brain on his way to brain transplant surgery, performed by reknowned surgeon Dr. Walter Smojohowicz

Another medical advancement is being made today.

University of Florida Gators QB Tiom Tebow’s has received brain replacement surgery, known as “Shock Absorber” cranial inversion surgery. Details are coming out from Shands Medical Center, and it seems to be a radical technology advancement between Schutt (manufacturer of football helmets), Nike and General Motors.

Noted brain surgeon Walter Smojohowicz stated that this proceedure should allow Tebow play in the LSU game, but would need to receive fresh hydraulic fluid after the game.

This new technology allows Tebow brain to sit in a blanket of fluid, that will act like a cushion inside his skull, that his brain will be cradled in. According to medical experts, this will allow Tebow to play concussion free for the rest of the Gators football season.

Las Vegas oddsmakers have taken to the news well…the Gators are favored to win the game in Baton Rouge.

Seen below is an X-Ray of Tebow’s bruised brain prior to surgery

DOH! Seen above is the the amazing brain of John Reaves

X-Ray of Tim Tebow's brain after his concussion. Seen in this image is his compacted supercomputer, superhuman, processing data center.

Stay tuned to breaking news on the risky procedure.

DEVELOPING ….

Lane Kiffin Must Be The Woman! – Urban Meyer Wins Bet.

September 18, 2009 by GatorNation

After getting beaten and humiliated by the Florida Gators, Urban Meyer, Tim Tebow and the water boys…Tennessee Head Football Coach Lane Kifin was forced to dress like his smoking hot wife Layla and join Urban Meyer for his festive victory dance at “The Swamp” ballroom and saloon on University Ave.

Kiffin was further humiliated after this dance, by being forced to dance like a can-can girl by local police officers and homeless people curbside.

Tennessee’s Lane Kiffin and Phil Fulmer Star in New Fall TV Show – “Kiffigans Island”

September 18, 2009 by GatorNation

After a 3 hour recruiting trip, University of Tennessee Head coach Kiffin and Phil Fulmer get lost in Appalachia.

Local angry banjo players force Kiffin and Fulmer to dance for their freedom, after getting blasted by the Florida Gators….yet again.

SEC football coaches Urban Meyer and Lane Kiffin star in remake of classic movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

September 16, 2009 by GatorNation

The film takes place in the fictional town of Knoxford Falls shortly after the depression and stars Lane Kiffin as Coach Vol, a man whose imminent suicide on the eve of the Gator game gains the attention of his guardian angel, Phil Fulmer) who is sent to help him in his hour of need. Much of the film is told through flashbacks spanning Kiffin’s entire life and narrated by Tebow and Spikes, unseen Angels who are preparing Fulmer for his mission to save Kiffin. Through these flashbacks we see all the people whose lives have been touched by Kiffin and the indifference he has made to the community in which he lives and is secretly trying to escape from.

VIDEO: Tim Tebow Caught Dancing With ESPN Erin Andrews Last Night

September 15, 2009 by GatorNation

University of Florida Gators handsome Uber QB Tim Tebow is caught dancing the night away with beautiful ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews. This top secret and previously unseen video was recorded with security camera’s at the famous “Late Night” nightclub, in Gainesville, FL.

This video confirms rumors that the two were secretly dating.
DEVELOPING …..

“High School Sacrifice” – Troy To Be Executed at Halftime …READ NOW”

September 8, 2009 by GatorNation
Troy (Zak Efron) To Be Sacrificed During Gators Halftime Show

Troy (Zac Efron) To Be Sacrificed During Gators Halftime Show

Zac Efron, the likeable Disney actor who is “Troy” in the Disney movie “High School Musical” will be the human sacrifice this Saturday at halftime of the University of Florida Gators vs the Troy University Trojans football game, in Gainesville, FL.

Heisman QB Tim Tebow will spear Troy during refreshing Disney halftime show

Heisman QB Tim Tebow will spear Troy during refreshing Disney halftime show

Performing the sacrifice will be the entire Gator football team, led by Heisman Quarterback Tim Tebow. Tebow, seen here, will be wearing his warrior Trojan outfit to spear Efron during the unique halftime entertainment show.

Last week, Baptist University  Charleston Southern was fed to the alligators…and this week….a human sacrifice of “Troy.”

Seen above is Trojan Horse that Efron and cast of High School Musical will be brought onto Florida Field for halftime show and Troy sacrifice.

Seen above is Trojan Horse that Efron and cast of High School Musical will be brought onto Florida Field for halftime show and Troy sacrifice.

Seen in the article is the Trojan Horse vessel that Efron will be brought into Florida Field to midfield, where he and the cast of High School musical will perform a song and dance routine, before the sacrifice.

Troy University head football coach Larry Blakeney stated that his football team will also be sacrificed this weekend in Gainesville by the defending BCS National Champion Florida Gators football team.

Blakeney said that many of his players will be injured and maimed. Those players who cannot walk off the field, will be euthanized on the sidelines.

Here’s to “Troy”…may he/they live long in the memories of Florida Gator fans.

“They Laughed When I Told Them A Football Player Could Die …But When The Air Ambulance Helicopter Landed …”

September 2, 2009 by GatorNation

Medivac helicopters preparing to airlift Charleston Southern Football players to Shands Hospital in Gainesville, FL

Medivac helicopters preparing to airlift Charleston Southern Football players to Shands Hospital in Gainesville, FL

As I looked into the football crystal ball…I wondered which team would be the most likely have injured players after a game?

The answer to that question would be pretty simple.

That team would be the Charleston Southern University “Buccaneers” when they play against the University of Florida Gators, who are defending their BCS National Championship.

The game will be played on Saturday in The Swamp, where the Gators play, eat and mame.

The temperature will be over 100 degrees with over 90% humidity…just like the gator reptiles like it…hot and muggy.

The Bucanneers might be able to last a series, but quickly they will be consumed by the hungry Gators.

By the time the fourth quarter rolls around, there will be plenty of UCS players who will shipped to the hospital. In fact, by the 4th quarter, the humidity will suck whatever life the Buccaneers have, completely out of them…which will allow injuries to happen more frequently.

They will be tired, beaten, determination ripped out of their hearts as they are pounded incessantly by their stronger, faster and more talented opponents.

Florida is favored by over 70 points…which sets an all-time record for a Las Vegas points spread.

Charleston Southern University Buccaneer Football Field - capacity 4,000 people

Charleston Southern University Buccaneer Football Field - capacity 4,000 people

The Charleston Southern team is a member of the Big South Conference, who’s members are below:

Charleston Southern is the newest and smallest member of the Big South Conference. Charleston Southern started their football team in 2002. They did not have a football team before then.

TEAM /  ENROLLMENT /  STADIUM CAPACITY
Charleston Southern – 4,000 enrollment / 6,292 stadium capacity

Compare this with the University of Florida Gators.

University of Florida Ben Hill Griffin Stadium "The Swamp" - seats 88,000 +

University of Florida Ben Hill Griffin Stadium "The Swamp" - seats 88,000 +

- Florida joined the Southeastern Conference in 1932.
- ESPN reported paying $2.25 Billion for broadcast rights of SEC football games beginning in the 2009 season
- As of 2008, all SEC schools are affiliated with XM Radio
- In August 2008, the SEC announced an unprecedented 15-year television contract with CBS worth an estimated $55 million a year.
- the SEC is the only conference to have its own exclusive national television network of the big three networks (CBS, NBC, and ABC) to display the SEC’s events.
- ESPN worth $2.25 billion or $150 million a year for the life of the contract

SCHOOL NAME/ ENROLLMENT  /  STADIUM CAPACITY
Charleston Southern          4,000                                     6,292
University of Florida         51,913                                    88,548

SCHOOL NAME                ENDOWEMENT $

Charleston Southern            $14,000,000
University of Florida     $1,200,000,000

If there ever was a mismatch of a college football game, this is it….the National Champion University of Florida Gators vs Charleston Southern University. This is a mismatch at every level possible.

Watch the slaughter this Saturday at The Swamp.

Pray that the players don’t get injured.

NCAA Approves Lambs To Be Fed To Florida Alligators On LIVE Television

September 1, 2009 by GatorNation

Claims It Will Increase Ratings,  Viewing Audience and Greedy Advertisers.

Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter

Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter

Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators are confident and ready to skewer and BBQ the Charleston Southern Football team this weekend in Gainesville, for the opening game of the 2009 football season.

UberQB Tebow is ready to impale the sacrificial Charleston Southern football squad and feed them to his hungry Gator teammates.

Charleston Southern, not known for their football prowess, has thrown the helpless football team “lambs” to the  Florida Gators by their athletic director, Hank Small.

The Charleston Southern Buccaneers, a tiny Baptist college of only 3,000 peaceful students will face the defending 2008 BCS National Champion University of Florida Gators.

It can be compared to the Christians (Baptists in this case) being thrown to  the lions, of biblical lore.

Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members

Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members

If there ever was a mismatch this NCAA season…..this is the game!

Gator alumni are somewhat embarrassed that this game is even happening. Already the Associated Press has given the spread on this game to over 70 points. Football fans feel sorry for the players on the Buccaneer football  team.

Alachua County has extra ambulances and paramedics ready to cart off injured Southern Carolina players.

Shands Hospital in Gainesville has called in extra medical personnel to the emergency room and orthopedic departments.

Red Cross has medivac helicopters on stand-by.

The Florida Gators will chomp the Buccaneers and make them walk the plank… and send them back home with bad memories and trauma.

Psychologists are prepared to provide the Buccaneer squad with counseling and emotional support groups when they return to Charleston, South Carolina.

In case Charleston Southern gets too many players injured to field a squad, or in case they quit and walk off the field….Ft. Lauderdale’s  St. Thomas Aquinas High School, one the the top high school football teams in the nation, will replace the Charleston Southern football team, to finish the game.

Will David slay Goliath this Saturday?

Absolutely not.

3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals

3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals

Tebow and the Gators victorious….and Gator fans….happy yet embarrassed by the degree of this monumental mismatch.

Stay tuned to count the carnage.

DEVELOPING….

Steven Speilberg rumored to be recruiting Tim Tebow for remake of Charlton Heston epic movie. “The Promise” Speech Immortalizes Tim Tebow to Global Audience.

April 27, 2009 by GatorNation
Tim Tebow to play Charlton Heston in remake of epic film.

Tim Tebow rumored to play Charlton Heston in remake of epic film.

Tebow becomes immortalized forever - eclipseS "Win One For The Gipper" speech

Tebow’s “The Promise” becomes immortalized forever – eclipses Notre Dame “Win One For The Gipper” speech. George Gipp turns in his grave.

Oprah Winfrey Twitters With “Britain’s Got Talent” Superstar Susan Boyle. Boyle declares she’s in love with Florida’s Tim Tebow.

April 18, 2009 by GatorNation
Cry Me a River"Britain's Got Talent" contestant Susan Boyle Twitters that "she's madly in love with Tim Tebow."

"Britain's Got Talent" contestant Susan Boyle Twitters that "she's madly in love with Tim Tebow. Watch "Britain's Got Talent" superstar Susan Boyle sing "Cry Me a River"

Oprah Winfrey has joined the 21st century….by become a Twitter user.

Oprah can communicate to her fans by sending short 140-character  “tweets’ announcing what she’s up to.

Oprah sent a message stating her warm congratulations to Britain’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle , who just eloped with college sensation quarterback Tim Tebow, yesterday.

Oprah requested that Susan be a guest on her show… and Susan replied, “Only if Timbo can join me.”

Oprah was able to grant the request and will show the world what love is shared between these two dovebirds, when they appear on her popular TV show.

DEVELOPING …